


Insecurities (And How to Deal with them) - The Remix

by onesquishedcat



Series: Insecurities [2]
Category: B.A.P
Genre: Body Worship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-24
Updated: 2013-07-24
Packaged: 2018-03-16 06:19:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3477662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onesquishedcat/pseuds/onesquishedcat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Himchan knows that something is bothering Jongup. He just didn't expect..this. </p>
<p>[A Not quite, still feel good, sequel.]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Insecurities (And How to Deal with them) - The Remix

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted a Jongup-needs-comfort-version, so here it is. Dedicated to an old friend.

There are three ways to deal with a problem.

 

 

The first is to talk to someone. Find someone to trust, or someone that will listen, and either spell it out or get advice. This is usually the hardest.

 

 

The second is to keep quiet. Maybe the problem will resolve itself, and there will be no need to say anything at all. This might be what most default to, but sometimes it works.

 

 

The last is strict avoidance. Or a passive aggressive attack on the problem at hand. This rarely works, but in the worst of circumstances, sometimes it’s the only answer.

 

 

Himchan is used to the second when it comes to the quiet boy called Moon Jongup, the dancer that prefers to watch and wait before he speaks. For the longest time they thought that he never got angry, but that was before they realized he had a coping method much different than theirs.

 

 

He doesn't scream or yell, or make a big deal out of things. Usually the members could tell when Jongup was upset, because he got quieter. The one that had offended him or made him angry would apologize, and then he would be their smiling Moon Angel again, happy go lucky as always.

 

 

Not this time.

 

 

This time, staying quiet wasn't enough.

 

 

Covering his jaw-cracking yawn with a hand, Himchan rubbed the other across his eyes as he headed down to the practice room in their building. The clock in the hallway told him it was nearly three am. They had all gone to bed at eleven, but Himchan had heard the younger leave soon after. So Jongup had been down here for over four hours.

 

 

But they had been practicing since six. Even an energetic boy like Jongup didn't have that kind of stamina, Himchan knew. Jongup was upset.

 

 

Himchan's suspicions were proven correct when he neared the practice room. Though sound proofed, he could still hear a muffled version of a Chris Brown song beating a rhythm against the walls. Carefully, quietly, he pulled the door open, wincing a bit as he walked through the wall of sound.

 

 

Jongup was in the middle of the room, his eyes closed, brows furrowed, and his body covered in a heavy layer of sweat. He was moving to the beat, but his breathing was hard, and the wetness on his face looked more than what working out this hard would cause.

 

 

Himchan felt his heart begin to ache as he watched the second youngest push himself harder, changing effortlessly with the song as it melded into another, faster, more upbeat one. He was pushing himself too hard, his movements losing coordination as his body gave up under the strain.

 

 

Collapsing on the floor, his chest rose and fell with quiet sobbing unheard under the music, but Himchan could see it, walking swiftly across the floor to turn the music off.

 

 

At once the quiet was broken by Jongup's crying, though he quickly tried to stifle it as he sat up and looked at the corner where the sound system was in surprise. "H-Hyung?" He wiped at his eyes, trying in vain to hide the fact that he had been crying, but it was too late.

 

 

In just a few steps Himchan was at his side and falling to his knees, reaching out to touch the younger boy. He didn't expect it when Jongup flinched away, drawing up his knees and hiding his face in the arms he wrapped around them.

 

 

"I-I want to be a-alone. Please, hyung. I need to p-practice."

 

 

Now Himchan was really concerned, inching closer to put his hands on the boy's forearms. "Jongup. Jonguppie. Please tell me what's wrong. There's something really bothering you, isn't there?"

 

 

Jongup didn't answer, burrowing his head deeper. Himchan moved closer still, wrapping his arms around the shorter boy and dropping his head against a strong shoulder.

 

"Please, Jongup. I can't help you if I don't know what's wrong.."

 

 

Jongup sniffled and mumbled. "But you can't help me. I'm not good enough.."

 

 

Himchan sat up in surprise. "What?"

 

 

When Jongup didn't respond, Himchan reached for his forearms, tugging them away so he could see the younger boy's face. "Jongup. Look at hyung."

 

 

Reluctantly Jongup did, his eyes puffy and red. Tenderly, Himchan wiped at the tears on his face, and locked eyes with the dancer. "Now come on. Tell me what's bothering you."

 

 

Jongup exhaled shakily, and then sniffled again. "I just.. I feel like I'm not good enough anymore, hyung. My position was main dancer, but Junhong can dance circles around me now. I used to be the one with the abs and the moontos..but Yonggukhyung and Daehyunhyung have them now. I can't sing or rap..I can't play instruments. What else do I have to offer, hyung? To be the one everyone laughs at because he can't string two words together when given the mic and asked to speak?"

 

 

He was crying again, though silently, and Himchan was trying really hard not to as well, pulling him into his arms to crush him against his chest. Jongup didn't resist this time, his hands balling in the fabric of Himchan's sweater as he let it out.  

 

 

Himchan could see it now, in the last couple of weeks, how withdrawn Jongup had become. He understood now why the younger had shied away from them, had stopped flashing his body like he used to, had become quiet and said nothing as they laughed and joked about the vocal line's workout schedule or commented on Zelo's contributions to the choreography.

 

 

The dimmed smiles, the lack of quick witted returns to teasing..Himchan felt like an idiot for not noticing it sooner.

 

 

Wiping at the boy's cheeks again, he cupped his face and raised it so he could look him directly in the eyes. "Moon Jongup. Listen to me. Are you listening?"

 

 

Jongup nodded, and Himchan smiled, gently rubbing the swollen areas under Jongup's eyes. "There are a million and one things I love about you, Moon Jongup. I can't possibly list them all, but I think you need to hear some of them.The first, of course, is your dancing talent."

 

 

Jongup opened his mouth to protest, but Himchan silenced him with a single finger across his lips. "Let me finish, Jonguppie. You have an amazing, amaaazing dancing talent. I know you think Junhong is better than you, but the truth is he does so well because of you. You inspire him to be better. We love the passion you have for moving your body. I know he's taller than you, but he really looks up to you, honestly, he does. You are his best friend."

 

 

Jongup hummed, and Himchan nodded, gently tugging the smaller boy up and into his lap. Wrapping his arms around him, Himchan brushed his nose against Jongup's in the way he know made him laugh, and though it didn't this time, it did bring a small smile to his face. "I love your smile. There is nothing that can brighten my day more than seeing your adorable smile."

 

 

Himchan slid his hands beneath Jongup's shirt and helped him take it off, dropping the wet material off to the side as he slid his hands up the shorter boy's back. "I love the contrast in you, Jongup. Your body is so strong, but your core is soft, and you are one of the most sincere people I know."

 

 

Jongup slid his arms around Himchan's shoulders at his urging, and Himchan leaned in to press a kiss to his neck, hands still rubbing soothingly up and down his back. "I know you know I love your body," He smiled against the skin of Jongup's collarbone when he let out a watery chuckle. "But maybe I should remind you. I love your abs, not just because they look nice, but also because they are proof of all the hard work you put yourself through." He brought his hands between them and let his fingers trail across the hard muscle, biting his lip when Jongup shuddered beneath his touch.

 

 

"I..love your cheetos because of that too. And because I know you would never use your strength to your advantage, only to help those around you." Himchan leaned in to breathe warmly against his ear as he slid his hands along the boy's triceps. "Though there was that one time you held me down.. I nearly lost my mind.."

 

 

Himchan couldn't help the way his smile widened when he pulled back, the blush rising in Jongup's cheeks making him lean in to kiss him on the lips. "I love your lips, and your kisses..So sweet, and loving.." He sucked the bottom lip between his own, and shivered when he was rewarded with a soft moan. "So..sexy.." He murmured against them, unable to resist leaning in for another taste.

 

 

They kissed, and it was wet, but Himchan loved it, letting his arms fall to Jongup's waist and then thighs, gently tugging the nearest around to the other side of his waist so that the dancer was straddling him. Then, with a hand on the small of his back, Himchan laid Jongup down against the cold floor, sucking hard on the boy's tongue when it made him moan.

 

 

Breaking the kiss, Himchan smiled at Jongup and brushed his thumb under his still puffy eyes. "I love your eyes, Jongup. The way they shine when you are happy, and how sleepy they look in the morning.. how adorable your eye smiles are.."

 

 

Himchan slid his hands down Jongup's chest to his hips and leaned over to brush his lips against Jongup's. "You don't know what these hips do to me, Jongup-ah. The way you move them kills me every time..”

 

 

Jongup bit his lip and Himchan smiled, kissing down over his neck and collar bones. “You don’t think you are good enough, but you are everything to me, Jonguppie..” Jongup scrunched his face in response, and Himchan pouted at him, and they both laughed quietly. Himchan leaned in and kissed him again.

 

 

“B.A.P wouldn’t be B.A.P without you..and I would be nothing without you..” Himchan murmured, his own cheeks flushing a little bit with the admission. Jongup wrapped his arms around Himchan and tugged him down, feeling the pain ease in his chest when the older wrapped his arms around his waist. “Hyung,” He murmured softly. “Himchannie. Please..”

 

 

Himchan hummed, giving Jongup a squeeze. “Anything, Jonguppie.”

 

 

Jongup’s cheeks were pink when he murmured, “Make love to me?”

 

 

Himchan felt his smile soften, and he leaned down to kiss those lips he loved so much.

 

 

“Alright..”

 

 

Gently disentangling himself from Jongup, Himchan stood and offered a hand to him, helping the shorter boy to his feet. He led him over to the couch and quietly asked him to take a seat, disappearing for only a moment to turn down the lights so they weren’t as harsh.

 

 

When he returned Jongup smiled at him, accepting a kiss with a soft laugh when Himchan sat down beside him. “I love your laugh, Jonguppie,” Himchan murmured when he broke the kiss, sliding his hands up over the younger boy’s arms. Gradually he laid the dancer down against the couch, his fingers tracing over the shape of his face and eyes, his cheeks and then his lips. “You have no reason to doubt yourself, Jongup,” He murmured, looking deep into the younger boy’s eyes as his hands slid down to untie the boy’s sweat pants. He eased them and the boxers down over the dancer’s hips, and then shuffled back to press kisses down his chest and over each firm, muscled thigh.

 

 

Himchan smiled against the warm skin. “You know we all tease you for being short, but the truth is, you’re the perfect size. When I wrap my arms around you, you fit perfectly right here.” Himchan tapped at the spot just beneath his collarbones, the point at which Jongup’s head usually rested.

 

 

Sliding his hands down Jongup’s legs, he arranged them over his hips as he leaned down to kiss his way back up to the lips held captive by a pair of teeth. “You feel so safe in my arms..”

 

 

Jongup hummed, breaking the kiss with a soft sigh. “You make me feel safe, Hyung..”

 

 

Himchan felt heat bloom in is cheeks, seeing his smile reflected in Jongup’s eyes. Reaching between the cushions for the hidden bottle of lube, Himchan tried not to break the spell when he saw the mischievous glint in the younger boy’s gaze.

 

 

Both of them could remember how it got there.

 

And the times it had been used since.

 

But this was different.

 

 

Himchan cleared his throat quietly and popped the cap, though his ‘seriousness’ didn’t last long when Jongup pulled his leg back and rested his ankle on Himchan’s shoulder, the top of his foot gently rubbing at the spot just behind Himchan’s ear. “Yah, Jonguppie,” Himchan chided, gently slapping his leg.

 

“I’m trying to be romantic here..”

 

Rubbing the lube between his fingers to warm it up, he mock glared at Jongup when the dancer rolled his hips up in invitation. “You’re doing a great job, hyung,” He teased, and Himchan snorted as he brought his hand down between the younger boy’s splayed legs.

 

 

“I also really, really love how cocky you get when we’re off camera..” Biting his lip at the boy’s laugh that turned to a hitched breath, Himchan let his eyes wander over the expanse of naturally tanned skin, up over defined hip bones and sculpted abs to the hard lines of Jongup’s jaw and gentle slant of his eyes.

 

 

Circling his entrance twice more, Himchan slowly eased a finger inside, his free hand gently rubbing over the younger’s abs to keep him relaxed. “You really are our happy virus, Jongup,” He murmured, easing another finger in when the muscles loosened up around the first. “You would give any of us the world if we asked for it, and not regret it all..”

 

 

Himchan smiled and shook his head when Jongup brought his hands up to cover his face, taking his fingers away to tug them away by the wrists. “I love how shy you can be, even after all the time we’ve been like this. Your innocence makes you precious, and ridiculously cute,” Himchan murmured, kissing each palm and then moving up each finger to kiss them too.

 

 

“Ah, these hands..Your hands sum you up so nicely, Jongup. Strong and sturdy, but gentle and compassionate. Selfless and giving.” Bringing them up behind his neck, Himchan leaned down to press his lips to Jongup’s as he shifted on his knees. Jongup whimpered against his mouth, and used his grip around the back of Himchan’s neck to keep him close.

 

 

“Himchannie..please..”

 

 

Himchan smiled, pecking Jongup on the mouth. “Always so polite,” He whispered as he reached down to undo his own sweats, pushing them down over his hips and kicking them off the couch. Once he was bare from the waist down, Himchan slicked himself up while kissing all over Jongup’s chest. Then he gently guided himself inside the younger boy, raising his gaze to Jongup’s before leaning down to distract him from the slight pain with more kisses.

 

 

“I’m ready..”

 

Jongup murmured against Himchan’s lips when the older broke the kiss, and the smile he gave Himchan made heat burn throughout his body.

 

 

“I love you,” Himchan replied, carefully drawing his hips back and then surging forward, slow and deep. “I love everything about you, Moon Jongup.” Finding the dancer’s hands, Himchan linked their fingers together. “I love the way your bedhead looks in the morning, and the little mole on the side of your nose. I love that you don’t let the hyungs walk all over you all the time either.”

 

 

Jongup couldn’t help his soft giggle, squeezing Himchan’s hands in his as he rolled his hips up to meet Himchan’s thrusts. He knew he was getting close, but he refused to let go of Himchan’s hands, and it was impossible to look away from the darker-haired man’s gaze.

 

 

“I love your laugh, and your sense of humour..even though sometimes I don’t understand..” Jongup scrunched his nose, hips twisting. “Hyung..”

 

 

Himchan licked his lips, but continued with the same pace, hips moving in turn with the words he spoke, punctuating each sentence of praise with a barely there brush to his prostate. “Even though it scares the hell out of me, I love the way your grind your teeth when you get stressed, and the way you leave toothpaste all over the sink.. I love the way you can manipulate the other hyungs into giving you whatever you want, or get away with whatever you did..”

 

 

Jongup pouted, though it was hard to stay that way for long with the tension that was rising in him, the pleasure so subtle it was making his toes curl and back arch as it coursed through his veins like the slow waves of the sea against the beach. “H-Hyungg…”

 

 

Himchan smiled, and when Jongup opened his eyes (when had he closed them?) the absolute adoration he saw there made his breath hitch. “You are perfect just the way you are, Jongup,” Himchan whispered. “From the tips of your hair to the ends of your toes, you are gorgeous, kind, generous, and talented. You are everything anyone could ever ask for and I thank whatever powers might be that I get to spend whatever time I can with you.”

 

 

Jongup felt the first stirrings of his orgasm break over him like a tidal wave, body beginning to shake from the rush of endorphins and sheer emotion. Eyes wet again, but for a completely different reason, Jongup squeezed Himchan’s hands tight, and at the older man’s encouraging nod, let himself go.

 

 

“I love you, Moon Jongup.”

 

 

Whatever foundation Jongup had was finally washed away with those simple words.

 

 

Soft whimpers and unsteady sighs of Himchan’s name were the only thing Jongup could utter as he completely fell apart, thighs shaking and tears sliding down his temples to disappear into his sweaty hair. The feelings raging through him were intense, and distantly he felt arms wrapping around his waist, while a quiet, steady voice murmured in his ear.

 

 

“Shh..Shhh, Jonguppie.. I love you, baby, it’s alright..”

 

 

When he could open his eyes again, Himchan’s face was the first thing he saw. The older looked a bit relieved, reaching up to gently cup the dancer’s face. “It’s okay , baby..Relax..” It was in that moment Jongup realized how tense he still was, his fists clenched so tight in the back of Himchan’s sweater that it was starting to get a bit painful. Himchan smiled at him, and rubbed the tear tracks beneath his eyes with his thumbs. “That’s it..Take a deep breath..”

 

 

Jongup did as he was told, taking a few just to get his rapid heartbeat and raging emotions back under control.

 

 

When Himchan pulled away, Jongup whined softly, becoming conscious of the fact suddenly that Himchan was still hard. He swallowed. “H-Himchannie-”

 

 

Himchan shook his head. “It’s alright, Jonguppie. This isn’t about me. It’s about you, and how much I love you,” He whispered, leaning down to kiss the boy’s cheeks and then his forehead. Jongup, though completely exhausted, pouted. “But-”

 

 

Reaching down between them before Himchan could protest, Jongup wrapped his hand around the older man’s cock. “It would make me feel better,” He said over Himchan’s low groan, wrist speeding up when Himchan rolled his hips faster into his fist.

 

 

“Jonguppie..fuck..”

 

 

It was Jongup’s turn to smile, the fingers of his other hand moving up to tangle in the older man’s hair. He met him half way, kissing him deeply as his fingers tightened. Himchan moaned against Jongup’s mouth as he exploded over the dancer’s hand, some of it dribbling over his hand and onto his thighs.

 

 

“I love you too, hyung.”

 

 

Himchan could only moan, riding out the waves of his own orgasm before he collapsed half on Jongup, completely boneless. He knew he would have to move soon, they both needed to clean up and get back up to bed, but for now he was content to wrap his arms around the shorter dancer.

 

 

And when the younger turned in his hold and pressed his face into the hollow of his neck, well.

 

 

The smile he felt against his collarbone made everything alright.

 

 

“I love you most, Jongup.”


End file.
